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Aug. 2nd, 2011

I fucking hate this god damned laptop!!! I had an entire entry written and the stupid fucking thing decided to delete it all at once. Latonya Fucked up my drink. I only have 17 hours next week which sucks ass but its what ever I talked to Marcus and Aaron about it the second I found out and hopefully it will be changed. Ihave to work with Val today. She is okay but I feel like she doesn't like me. Maybe I should talk to her about it. Idk... Jimmy got another job. I way better job than starbucks. I am very proud of him. He is taking after his sister. She is one of the most successful people I know. She is a great role model for anyone. Maybe I should try to be more like her... If only I didn't fuck up... If I would have just tried harder in school the first time Maybe I would have passed despite all the moves and different schools I went to. Maybe if I wasnt so reclusive my whole life I would actually have my own friends and I would actually have my own car and my license. Maybe if I was better at talking to people I could show my dad that Sherri is using him for his money. Maybe if I was different the world would be different. What if dad had never gotten fucked over I wouldnt have moved back to cali and I would have been able to actually graduate and I would probably be working at dads restaurant and not at starbucks and I wouldn't be with Jimmy and I probably wouldn't even talk to my mom because I never would have gotten to know her and I probably wouldn't talk to sarah either because she lived with mom. My whole life would be different if Rhonda hadn't fucked up.... THANK YOU FOR FUCKING UP RHONDA!!!! I love my life the way it is now and I wouldnt change it for anything. And If I want to change it I will. And I am changing it. I am going to school to get my GED and I am going to get my license.  I am going to make an effort to make friends in my work place and just make friends in general. I am going to venture out and make friends who are dare I say.... Girls. I am going to have girl days and go shopping and do girl shit! I am going to get my own fucking car and I am going to be a fucking adult whether it kills me or not!!!!! I feel like I am going crazy and it isnt fun so I am going to attempt to change again and hopefully I actually do this time. I am so tired of running away and making excuses for myself. I am going to have money and I am going to be caught up. I refuse to have to live pay check to paycheck from now on. Fuck my life the way it is. I am changing and I am going to stay changed! No more mrs. nice girl who stays quiet in the background! I am now front row! People arren't going to like it at first but From now on I am the best at what I do no matter what I am I am going to rule the fucking world! And also I am going to be nicer to Jimmy because I havent been lately because it is hard to be nice and happy all the time when you know you are a fuck up and you know you need to change because if you dont you arent going anywhere in life and you are dragging your better half - and when I say that I actually mean it- down with you. I was pissed and upset with myself and taking it out on him because yelling at him was easier for me than letting him see me cry. So I am Now changing.  I am starting work early today and I am going to kick ass and stay on top of shit the whole 8 hours. I am not going to get lazy half way throuigh no matter what and this is going to be the best fucking close this store has ever had! We arent number one in the disctrict for nothing!!! Today is going to be an awesome day no matter what!!!

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