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I wonder if anyone even reads my journal anymore. Anyone besides Amber I mean. I find it sad that she feels the need to check up on my livejournal and my facebook pages to make sure I'm not saying anything bad about her. Its not like I can say anything any worse than I already have. And whats the point when she doesnt see the truth behind the words anyway. At least now I can say I know what its like to be in Chelsea Gorhams shoes. Only my boyfriend didn't die thank goodness. I wonder if she will ever find happiness again.. I feel bad for her shes so depressed all the time. Or at least thats how it seems. I still have days where I wanna cry. Days when I wish he was here still so I could scream and yell and maybe beat the shit out of him until he realized I didn't want him in my head anymore. All I wanted was to be his friend. I liked his older brother Jake and Rob moved on in like it was nothing. And then Chelsea and I were fighting and Jake hated me. I remember this one day when I was with Rob at his house and chelsea kept calling and calling him. She drove all the way there and pounded on the door and rang the bell til he answered. Demanding that she get what was hers and wanting to talk to him. They were yelling at eachother while in his room and she snapped and hit him. that was the first time I saw Rob get violent with someone because he fought back. He hit her back and shoved her against the wall and yelled at her. when they were at the front door she punched him in the face. got him a few times. He told me that it didn't hurt but I could tell it did.  I should have broke it up. I should have done something the night he kissed me. I should have put up my guard and made sure I didn't love him back. What happened turned the world upside down. War broke out between me and her and her friends. Her, Sioned and the other chelsea came to my house in the middle of the night and got bitched out by my mom when I wasn't home over a dispute we had over livejournal. Eventually Chelsea deleted her Journal because of her dads girlfriend or something like that. And her and Rob were back together even though he weasled his way into my life when ever he wanted and I let him. But yeah. Now I can say I know what its like to be in her shoes. How crazy it made her feel. Only I didn't go to her work while she was there and while Rob was there and tell her I wasn't stalking them I just "work around the corner". Oh well though I dont work there any more and I doubt she will find us out here in concord. Or at least Im hoping she wont. My life is actually going the way I want it to for once. Its quite nice and I would like to keep it this way. I wish Chelsea could find it in her self to be happy again. I really hope she makes it in life because she deserves it after everything she has been through. And I wish Amber gets hit by reality one day and she finally sees the truth. She has the potential to be a great person.



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July 2012
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